It's been a particularly brain-frying Sunday. Did practice tests and CS's online tests for the win. While the questions weren't difficult, the time pressure is the limiting factor, as with most high-stress tasks. Waiting for a reply from JPM. My actions are such contradictions to my earlier post. With my rejecting the Dec internship, I am officially, lost. Maybe I am already too cocky.

It was fun, today. Bonded with YF, I think. We had a LOLtastic time doing the tests together, KFC for dinner -Both events did not happen concurrently. I know of him, he knows of me, but we were never formally introduced, much less have a decent conversation other than the occasional laughs when Kenny tries to get do the whole GF-meets-BF's Friends thing. He intrigues me so, with his oversize headphones and hiphop-ing. Oh, and we ARE "neighbours" - his block is across the street. Ok, I admit, I have a friend-crush on him. In that, I really want us to be friends. Such pathetic thinking is LAME, to say the least. Goodness, what am talking about. Gahhh... Anyway, he's cute! Made the day that much more bearable.

=X

Brain-deadness - Q.E.D.

 

I'm lost. I don't know what to do with my life, with regards to career choices. I had a chat with YZ the other day, and well, we're in the same predicament.

See, girls like us, we don't fit into the whole banking industry. Global Markets is not for us, neither is Sales & Trading. We're not good for Technology as well, for obvious reasons. Corporate Finance, M&A, Fixed Income, well lets just say we want to have a life. Risk requires too much statistical and some programming skills. We could do qualitative risk like research and stuff, but no bank would want to hire a person who can only do 25% of what the job as a whole entails.

So... that leaves us with Operations. Now, it's not too bad if we get Ops Risk or Credit Risk, but chances are, with a wide range of sub-departments in Ops, we could get posted to just keying in trades - which is total shit.

What are our options? What does this leave us?

Finance in an MNC. That's the next best thing. Working in Visa wasn't too bad. But the thing is, I've only done an MNC, I honestly don't know how working in a bank is like. What IF I can fit in into the whole banking thing? Or what if I don't.

I don't want to get swept away by the hype and 5 years down the road, realize that I've been sitting at the wrong desk all the while.

And then there's the issue of glamness. The enchanting life of being a banker. The esteemed air to the position which is often overrated. Of course, the MONEY. I want my LV, Chanel, Prada, Hermes. My awesome landed house. Italian every night, without having to step into Kopitiam ever again. My objective view is clouded by illusional fleeting materialistic gains.

I look out the window of my room and I have the iconic Raffles Place horizon looking back at me. Majestic, alluring, and confusing all the same. What do I want? What is God's will for me?

Where am I going?

 

Ok so I went for the interview... and it's not somewhere I wanna work at. I'm scared at the possibility of getting it. Please God I don't want it!! I am going to try to defy school rules and reject if I get it! So Please I duwan!! I'd rather spend the whole month of Dec sleeping in Klang... hehe.

 

OMG I am so angry. I applied for a internship at a lousy boutique consultancy firm which closed last week, and the interview is this Tuesday.

BUT. Just last Monday, a really good Corp Planning internship by UOB came out. I've applied for that as well but if I get an offer from the first one I applied for, I HAVE to accept that, as per school's rule.

AND. Today, suddenly there's a Citibank Treasury Ops internship in the list. OMG. OMG OMG. WHY LIDDAT.

Why all the good ones come out so late?! WHY. Stupid, I'm gonna go fail the interview this Tuesday.

 

School and the stress that comes along with it is getting to us. Behold:

Friend: Sarah, wanna bid for International Finance?
Sarah: Yea sure.
Friend: Ok lets go take the historical bid prices, put it in excel, find the mean, maximum, minimum, standard deviations, and regress it against how many classes were offered and the probability of vacancies in the proceeding round. Then we'll know the optimal price to bid for.

 

I suddenly feel super bored with school. WHY am I studying? What is the damn point? Sigh. I feel sick. What is the point of getting A's. When I graduate, I'll just spend 30 years working, then I retire. And die. Why don't I fast forward and die right away. Haha.

I am wasting the prime of my youth holed up in the library, reading and reading and reading. Practicing bond pricing, asset pricing, and MORE econs math. Writing notes for stupid Social Psych. Stressing over internship applications. Why is life always waiting for something to happen. So tedious. I'm just getting caught up in the grind of everyday life. Study, exams, work. I'll just fade into the background when I start working. I'll be one of those office people taking the MRT to work in the morning at 8am, and going home at 7pm. Standard. Looking forward to weekends so that I can sleep in and go shopping at night.

I am bored already. Yawn.

 

Haha. I met this really funny guy. He was like shocked at my disability in speaking Mandarin or any dialects, although I am by ethnicity, pure Chinese.

Well, let me ask you this, can the Blacks in America speak Afrikaan?

Funny guy. haha.

 

Sian. Spent the whole afternoon re-writing my resume. I was going through my old resume I used for last summer. Lol, so painful to read... I wrote the most retarded things.

I believe I will be comfortable working in Hwang DBS’s Institutional Sales department because I am equipped with practical skills needed in a financial services firm

HAHA. OMG. I wanna work there BECAUSE I have the "skills" to work there? I should have at least lied and said I absolutely LOVE Institutional Sales. Let's hope this time around, I will write better things hurhur. And have better things to write about LoL

 

I'm waiting for leave for the Regional Education Conference at the Admin building. The school phoned me and basically cornered me into being a helper there. My role is to accompany the Malaysian delegates during their breakout session. Guess who is one of the delegates? Mrs Cheng of Sunway College. Yup, Mrs Cheng my former Math teacher! Haha. Let's see if she remembers me.

Anyway, I've gotten 3 out of 4 of my midterms so far. The one I haven't gotten is the one I'm most worried about! Not too bad, this term. Hope I can keep it up till finals! I've been studying every single day. I've come to realize that I cannot expect the same level of commitment from my group members. They probably have a life, like family, friends, CCA. I only have school. I don't have family here, I think hanging out with friends is a waste of time (I feel SO guilty), I've quit my CCA. I leave my rented room at 9am and come back at 12am. 15 hours in school is, well... I've got nothing better to do, honestly. It only takes me 15mins to get to school anyway, so it's like, so convenient. The occasional spending binges with Kenny at ION Orchard is my happy time. Doesn't help that he's a smelly mugger as well. Haha.

I've also started my Negotiation class yesterday. I sincerely hope it's more substantial than Ethics!!!

 

Note to self: Do not ask group members to write reports. DIY DIY DIY.

I swear, 4 years of SMU is gonna make me age 10 years.

Sorry I need to rant about report writing. I am gonna go crazy!

1) I hate people who bloody cut and paste and don't reference. Especially if the sentence is so obviously a part of a whole paragraph. It looks totally disjointed you idiot. And I know you cut and paste from Wikipedia ok. So damn lazy.

2) I HATE people who cut and paste from initial report drafts and don't bother to check through and change the colloquial and sometimes broken English used in the drafts. WHY are you so lazy?

3) I HATE people who give me attitude when I tell them to do something. Excuse me, it's your grade too, you asshole. Do you part!

4) I HATE PEOPLE WHO SIMPLY DO SLIDES WHEN I OFFER TO COLLATE SLIDES. Just because I'm going to collate doesn't mean you can simply cut and paste LONG PARAGRAPHS from the report and expect me to synthesize. ARE YOU STUPID?! BRAINLESS? Mother dropped you as a baby so now your IQ is 80?!

5) I HATE PEOPLE WHO READ OFF SCRIPTS IN PRESENTATIONS. HELLO?! What year are you in already? Still presenting like a Year 1. Goodness, how did you ever pass Comms? So bloody unprofessional can.

I AM SO ANGRY. DIE, ALL OF YOU!